There is an ancient myth that keeps popping up in my life, and I am starting to wonder if it is connected to an ancient rift that I have been sorting through in therapy. The myth is that of Persephone, who was kidnapped by Hades and taken to the Underworld. Her mother Demeter searched for her desperately, and was only able to find her through intervention from Hecate. During the time Persephone was in the underworld, she was told not to eat, but she was tempted by a pomegranate and ate a few seeds. The price that was paid for this was that once she was returned to Earth, she was bound to return to the underworld for months out of the year.
This myth first came to me in a reading back in the beginning of June, where I was presented with the card of Demeter and told that this was a Goddess with a message for me during this time. Demeter was a goddess of agriculture and the harvest. She controlled the weather and the growth of crops in the fields. When she was angry about her daughter’s disappearance, she caused a famine and people suffered. This is when Zeus intervened and argued with Hades to bring her back. By the end of that month, I had become intrigued by the Goddess Hecate, as some experiences during the Solstice brought her to mind. Lately, the story has been popping up again in media that I am consuming, and I find myself contemplating Persephone.
I also find myself contemplating what messages this story has to offer me. The story is one of a deep connection between mother and daughter, and also speaks of a daughter’s desire to be independent and live her life by her own rules. Lately, I have been working on establishing boundaries with my own mother. This has been a struggle my whole life, but lately I have become more assertive about this, due to a perception of increased risk by her behavior and from support in my inner growth from my therapist. I have been working on establishing boundaries and being more assertive at work, and digging into my past to recognize where this behavior pattern stems from. Of course, it all goes back to our roots, and my roots, like most of us, are a complicated web of family history.
This week, my sun is square with the asteroid Ceres in my zodiac chart. This configuration can show up as tension between one’s self and women, mothers or caretakers. It represents a friction between the care you want to give or receive and your deepest self. Interestingly, Ceres also represents a Goddess of agriculture, but in the Roman tradition and not the Greek (as in Demeter). During these four days (Sept 2-6, strongest today on the 4th), it provides an opportunity to acknowledge and heal past hurts. This is a time for old wounds to resurface, which happens for the purpose of digging deeper into your core wounds. When you acknowledge past hurt, you meet a deeper layer of yourself. It’s a time for revisiting past memories of your mother and gaining a new perspective.
The stone associated with this time is the moonstone. As I am writing this, I gather two moonstones that I had on my September altar. I hold them in my hands, contemplating the relationship between my mother and I. I hold them to the flames of my candle, a “stress relief” candle my close friend recently gave me, and warm them in the glowing flame. As I place them down on the rounded slap of oak, next to symbols of the fields (jars of grass and flowers), one of the stones rolls off and “runs away” to the other side of the desk. I guess that one is Persephone, disappearing to the underworld. I put it back with the other stone and now they sit together in harmony.
I think a bit about what it was like for my mother to love me. It is hard to really imagine the love a mother has for their child until you become a parent of your own. At this stage in my life, I am the Mother and she is the Crone, but at one point, I was the Maiden and she was the Mother. I feel the exquisite beauty of her love for a second, and it brings tears to my eyes. I think about how I was always running into danger when I was a teenager and beyond, my fierce desire to be independent of her, my chafing under her control. I had so much potential, but I made some bad choices. I ran off to the underworld myself for a while. She went scorched earth on me for a time. I almost stayed there, but she called me back and I answered the call. I regretted it for a long time, though. I was under her thumb and even though she was giving me support, her support always came at a cost. I felt that she did not give me enough positive attention. She never told me that she was proud of me or that she loved me. All I heard in my head in her voice was criticism, and this made it hard for me to love myself and feel truly confident without being crippled with self-doubt. Lately, I have been purposefully going low contact with her and my dad, as I focus on my own healing from the scars of my past. I have been working on feelings of self-love and growing in confidence in order to take back my power.
Earlier today, a friend drew a tarot card from a deck for me. The card was “Understanding”. The meaning was to signify a new awakening and realization. “You have the ability to choose what is right for you beyond perceived limitations.” I feel that tonight these realizations were around the theme of forgiveness and love, both for my mother and for the girl I used to be, my inner Persephone who ran off and came back, but still spends some time in the underworld, feeling sad and sorry for herself. I forgive you, Persephone. I forgive you, Demeter.
Last night my friends and I created vision boards. I included stickers and images that represented themes of knowing my own worth, that I was enough, that I had power, a kind heart, encouragement to be bold, that I was stronger than I think. I chose to place the tarot card representing “strength” as a focus on one corner, and included sparkly gems, stars and clover to represent luck and charisma. In the center, I wrote the words from a card that my friend chose for me from a deck, that spoke to her of me. “I reveal my talents boldly and unapologetically”.
Lately I have been embarking on a creative period and letting a feeling that I need to share my voice with the world lead me. I competed in a storytelling contest and recited poetry at an open mic night all within the past couple of weeks. Now, as Mercury transits Chiron in my chart, I feel a call to express these emotional connections and transform my words into wisdom and healing. I take this time to reflect on how far I have grown this past year in my work on inner healing and breaking free from past behavior patterns. I hope that through sharing my vulnerabilities and my inner journey, I can encourage others to feel safe sharing their own stories and find solace in their own worlds through my words.
